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They say they love me and they want to have my kids. They want to marry me. Girls this hot never would date me when I was their age, and now they visit my work everyday. Why do these underage girls keep stalking me now?

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Why do these underage girls keep stalking me? Oh, hey, MC Pantz, did you know that I have a brother and his ears are so big that you can put your fist inside them? Oak trees, and my collection of boat keys. Bling from my homies, twelve pounds of perogies made with goat cheese, and even the computer and monitor which I used when I wrote these rhymes.

Maybe a whale - nah, the whole Atlantic Ocean.

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She gets hurt every time and comes right to me. If you play this song backwards it will sound the same.

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Oh, I like to be drinking beer while I am toboganning. I like to sing some songs, just five seconds at a time. I do a new one everyday, and I can record anything at all that I want to. I was just watching Episode II.

Oh and it got me thinking about you. Mike Celestino, what have you done with Star Wars? Uh-huh, uh-huh. Oh baby, I liked it in the 80s far more. Why did they make it so bad? Is it because you like the Muppets way too much? Oh, Hayden Christensen gets on my nerves. Oh Mike Celestino, what have you done with Star Wars? I want my money back. Yo, Mike Celestino, can Star Wars do anything like that? We blame Mike Celestino. Kira, go meet Erik. Oh, Erik paid me to wish you a happy birthday, Kira. Yeah, Erik had to pay me to wish you a happy birthday, Kira. Oh Kira, Erik would be so pathetic without you.

And as long as your sister stays with her man, nobody will expect you to have kids any time soon. Happy birthday. Missy was a girl in Predator armor. Hey hey hey hey. No one could stop her, no one could harm her. Oi oi oi oi. There was this one guy in the underwear section; Missy came through with her wristblade to dissect him. Yeah, everybody died. Oh yeah, everybody died. Everybody everybody everybody died. Oh, if records are the flower, then doo-wop is the nectar, and this blossom goes out to my two favorite collectors. Oh it goes: Ooboodeeboop-bah-boo.

I loathe math made in letters; long division makes my vendetta. Boy, you need to trim those bangs before I pop caps in your backside, mang. I sizzle with scissors and get busy, leave you all dizzy - your brand new mushroom cut is off the hizzy. Ooh, step into the barber-hop hip-shop. An evil pickle kills your family.

An evil pickle kills your friends and acquaintances. Uh, I guess that pretty much covers it.

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Iambuses are not my favorite thing; I'd rather use a trochee when I sing. Iambuses are not my favorite thing; I'd rather use a dactyl when I sing. Jules, on our fifth anniversary I want you to know how much I treasure your company.


Wife of mine, every line shows how much I do. I was so happy to propose to you in Venice, to begin our lives together and knowing nothing could end this. To fill your request, I would have to not fill it. Your mind is blown. Yo, check it. I have the worst English accent ever. I must make a presentation, my boss says I better. But tonight I am drinking with my buddies. My boss is mean and he is leaning on me.

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Like blaow blaow! I don't know what we should do now.

Now n-now now! And I know we can get out this. But how? Well they gave us options A, B, C, D Well I don't know about you man, but I do what I'm told - that's option A. I rock some favorites - talking great operas, plays and other theatrical accomplishments of the lofty 18th century music scene. Don't start running your mouth 'bout some ghost arts, I dig my classic roots. It's Mozart! Big up the magic flute.

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So hardcore. He wrote bars of notes - far more than most - you can't front! What are you even talking about? You're crazy.

It's just when you thought it was safe to be up in the streets - we got some people whose evil is seeping through even the operas of old centuries. I'm rocking option B. You want me to give in and listen to him and be playing his game? No way! I'm saving the day. Disarming him far into feeling a little bit limbless. Miracle in this lyrical gymnast - infinite powers of finishing business. How are you gonna just stand and freeze when man with piece is planning to ease the brains from out your skull?